The Notes of a "Well-Read" Leader-Manager

This has been the most interesting year - a year of growth as a leader in particular. In times before, I felt the need to have approval. If I had an idea or was about to make a decision that affected more than just me... more than just those under me (for the day)... but affected the future, I needed to run it by a "higher up" first. I may have been a leader (as someone who "led" by example and coached or directed those "following"), but I wasn't actually in charge of the animal I was leading. This year has been different. I see myself as managing this entire ecosystem. In a sense, there is more freedom, but there is also a huge responsibility with every step I take... there is room and permission to fail (a major topic of my last post). 

Because of all of this, I felt determined to be the best leader-manager. I couldn't wait for someone else to lead me, but I could begin getting the tools and implement it now. And, it would start with how I was taking charge of my team. 

I knew, in particular, that I wasn't the best at delegating, and this would be absolutely necessary for our success. Typically if I saw a need, I would just do it. It's easier and quicker (...for me... but, in the long run it's essential to the growth of your team and more things can get accomplished). Delegating was out of my comfort zone. I would have to approach and ask others to do things, and there's possible rejection in that. There's also having to work around schedules if they happened to say "yes" - so a letting go of my immediacy to get things done. And on top of that, taking the extra time to properly train the more complicated tasks. And last, making a final check to make sure the expectations got met (and correct if needed). More confrontation! As dreadful as all of that sounds, I knew that a big part of growing as a leader-manager, would be learning to delegate. And actually putting it into practice!! So I read the book Ladder Leaders by Sam Chand (an incredible read and would highly recommend... in fact, I would read once a year because it had so much thoughtfulness and practical content). This was the beginning of my journey!

As time went by, I was surprised and a bit jilted by how long it was taking us to build and develop our team. But, quickly I understood that this was indeed a journey... a process... it was, in fact, "a birthing" and things would form and take shape that I hadn't anticipated. One of those was working with multiple personalities, some of which are used to being directors and in charge - having fixed mindsets and the experience to back it up. What could someone like me bring to the table? And without creating offenses.

In hindsight, I see that through the course of things, that this relationship-building takes time. And that when there's a dilemma or poo hits the fan, and I'm there to back my people up... trust is built. Going in swinging, making arrangements and picking out curriculum doesn't do that. Sometimes we have to let the choose their own way first, and then come in with suggestions.

It later occurred to me (after I wrote and led our Growth Track... and after we hosted and led a Connect Group) that my husband and I weren't just Children's Pastors (although that's the title for the time-being), but it goes beyond children and into all people. We're not ministering to just children. Our ministry goes further into the home... into the family. Into families with kids and without. Into God's family. 

I woke up one morning so overcome with an urgency to correct and develop habits in our own home that I bought the book Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley. I imagined it would not only help us personally, but help us as leader-managers of our "family ministry". So many lessons and revelations!! It was more than I expected! Each and every chapter gives perspective and various ideas on how we can instill habits within the home, but not only that, this incredible outlying foundation of our parent-child relationship with God and with others. As I read, there were so many things that I could see us implementing - formation and screen time, gathering around meals, discipline, etc. And I practiced them right away. 

Again, it was a process... and still is. Life is always moving, always revolving - so putting these things into practice were out of order, all at once and one at a time, and at various levels of prominence. Yes, it was crazy! And, I had to continually give myself and others grace knowing that each inch taken (or choice) in the right direction is still a move in the right direction.

There was a period where I was having a difficult time. It's hard to explain, but it felt like I needed and had missed out on intentional rest. So when people asked for my time and energy, although nothing they asked of me was heavy (mostly attending birthday parties), I felt an overwhelming amount of weight. It was definitely a spiritual thing that I couldn't get a grasp on (and I knew it was a character-developing lesson). As I finished the Habits of the Household, I came across the chapter on work. Society often demotes work and its importance (to obtain an income), but if we search deeper and change our language, work is really our service (who and how we serve others). Depending on who it is or how we're doing it, we can find satisfaction. And for us, there is a rhythm to it. We work all day and come home and rest in the evening and talk about our day with our family. We serve throughout the week and rest in God's presence and reflect on His goodness on the weekend. I realized that for that period of time, where I was thinking I needed "rest", I actually needed an examination of who and how I was serving others. 

In one of our meetings, the question was asked, "How can you be a better teammate?" In my honest opinion, although it sounds selfish and arrogant, I didn't feel at the time that stepping in and doing things (or doing "lesser, dirty work") was an issue. How could I be a better teammate? Be honest when I need help. Invite others to do it with me. (I've made a full circle, haven't I?) Strangely (un-ironically), the funk that I was in, ended when I confessed to a friend that I was having a hard time and that I felt alone in what I was doing. I read that chapter on work the following week. 

While all of this was going down, I considered others and how they invite people to church. They know people outside of ministry - from school, from work, from sports and hobbies, from visiting the same coffeeshop over and over again, etc. I only hang out with my family and those from church that I already know. I thought - I need to read a book on how to make friends! For years I've been at home with kids. I've tried getting to know other parents, but nothing ever came to fruition. Even at the library, while I was forced to greet patrons and I could hold fun, thoughtful conversations, I didn't go out of my way to become close friends with anyone. Why is that? So recently, I've been contemplating all of this. I've been thinking about my personality traits, attitudes and speech patterns that might have hindered me in the past. And it was suggested that I read something on effective communication. 

Side Note: Something my leader and friend said stuck out to me (although she's said it many times before, this time it held a certain amount of substance), "Although, you're downstairs with the kids, I see you and your husband next to us." I've been coming up to main service once a month, and every time it has felt awkward when my pastors wanted me to sit up front, beside them. I like watching from the back. I like being able to sway, spread out my arms and take off my shoes for worship without hesitation, just being in the moment. I like being able to get up without being a distraction. Up front feels congested and seems to call too much attention. But, as I was grumbling about the hierarchy not being recognized, this picture came to my mind. If I don't see myself beside them, how can others? The opinion you have of yourself matters. How you project yourself matters. What was I communicating (not through audible nouns, adjectives and verbs), but through my actions?

This is where I'm at - in the midst of two books: Communicating with Grace and Virtue by Quentin J. Schultze (a "communications expert") and The Art of Connection by Michael J. Gelb. 

Although a short read, Schultze has already taught me that communication uses symbols, or representations of meaning. Our texts are symbols. Our restaurant logos and traffic signs are visual symbols. Our very names are symbols! Language itself is a gift from God to send and receive messages so we can do life together. So then, it can get complicated when we lack context, misinterpret or give insufficient information, etc as we're sharing symbols. Communication is a two-way street - a dialogue. It takes both sides to do it well. 

There's the quote: "You have two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionally." Today I realized that maybe I've had the wrong idea of what listening is. I thought it was hearing a person and understanding the words coming out of their mouth. But, it's more than that... Listening isn't just "receiving" a message. You are listening to a person, therefore, it is "a gift" to them! You're opening up your mind and finding out who they are and what it is that they need, so you can sufficiently act on their behalf through words of encouragement or service. Listening is hearing a person and understanding them, so you can properly do.

My current pondering is this (or implementation) - Am I listening intently, picking up on all the visible and invisible symbols, so that I can sufficiently act on their behalf? I'm excited to continue down this route...

I blanked a bit as I read the introduction to the second book, but it began with the explanation of this leader-manager position I've been alluding to: "Leadership is a process of social influence that optimizes the energy of others to realize a vision, execute a strategy, or achieve a goal. [The] informal definition is: Leadership is the art of connection! It's about building relationships to bring out the best in others." We've been leaders for a very long time... building relationships with our kids, friends, teens, adults, each other to bring out his or her best. Now, even when we're in a managerial position of control, organization and measurement, I'm even more interested in finding out the skills or "art" of cultivating the connections. They will always be important.

Final Note: Currently, I see myself in a moment. At this moment, I'm learning and growing, gaining hands-on experience for the future. I don't know what the future holds, but I feel like David in the field, watching the sheep, protecting them from predators. The field-time is key. What a remarkable and glorious charity this time is. I'm thankful for it.